Trust

Is it hard for you to trust?
Do you doubt?
Are you ever anxious about tomorrow?

My husband and I are in the midst of what it really means it trust God. It is so easy to sort of trust God, to put him on the shelf and go to him sparingly.

These past few months we have been challenged to really live out our faith, step into the unknown and run towards God 100%.

We are in the process of planting a church and our role is to grow student ministries and radically change the lives and hearts of students and help them find and follow Christ. The hard part is raising support financially to be able to do this. But for whatever reason, God has placed a peace in my heart that he will provide as long as we stay faithful and trust Him. It is not easy to trust, and sometimes I would rather worry. But worrying is exhausting so I figure I will let God take care of worrying about tomorrow so I can focus on today. If I continue to worry then God cannot use me to my full potential and radically change my heart and life. I would much rather have a life full of the richness of God than a rich bank account. In a month we may not be able to pay our bills, but Mark and I are apart of an incredible vision and journey here in Roselle and I would not trade that for anything. So here I am, here I stand, arms wide open. To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God.

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

geese, frogs, and sunshine

I am sitting in our screened in porch with the windows open, and all I hear are frogs chirping, geese honking, and trying to soak up the sun that is shining through.

I am just in awe of the blessings God has poured on my life. I have a phenomenal husband and everyday I am at a loss for words the gratitude and appreciation I have for him.

God has blessed me with the love of animals, and also blessed me with a fantastic horse named Clementine, and a very active dog named Laeci.

I am loved by friends and family. I have a job, a roof over my head, and food in my tummy.

Do you ever feel like something is missing? I think we all feel that at some point in our lives... Whether our job isn't fulfilling, our marriage is empty, our family isn't enough, or you can't make ends meet... What do you do when you are running out of fuel? How do you feel when there is a disconnect in your life?

For me, when I start to feel like that in any area of my life...I know I need God. I know I need Him to scoop me up and hold me close to him.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Give it to God. He will fulfill that missing piece. He will take the burden from you and carry it FOR you. I believe he reminds us of that in little ways like geese honking, frogs chirping, and letting us soak up the sun.

The Strength of a Horse

I miss feeling their hooves beat the ground to gain more momentum as we race across the field.

I miss feeling the freedom of no saddle on their back so I can feel the warmth of their fur.

I miss grabbing their mane as I urge them on to go faster.

I miss soaring over jumps.

I miss wearing white breeches and a show coat.

I miss hearing the announcer call my name to the ring.

I miss the feeling of success after a tough ride.

I long for that connection. I wonder when I will feel that again. My heart feels empty.

I have been given a gift. I have talent. I have knowledge. I have skills. And I can't use them, my injury won't let me.

I use to feel stronger after every ride. The connection you have with a horse when you are in sync with them in indescribable. There are no words to describe the blessing of that emotional connection with a horse. There are no words to describe the connection I have with God when I ride. I feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the dirt, the soft nickers the horses greet you with. He quiets my heart with my horse Clementine.

Oh how I miss riding. How I miss that connection. I miss the solitude with God.

I wonder when I will feel that again. I wonder when that missing piece of myself will be returned to me.

I wait.

patience

Definition for Patient: Capable, willing to endure

Synonyms: meek, mild, calm, composed, understanding, tranquil.

Antonyms: agitated, frustrated, impatient, intolerant, unwilling

What God says about patience:

Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Are you patient? Are you still? Do you wait for God? Or do you run ahead of Him, sometimes leaving Him behind?

Patience is the companion of wisdom.
~St. Augustine

Stop. Take a moment today sit in the gentleness of God's presence. In what area of your life is He trying to show you patience? In what area of your life are you being impatient?

community

So over these past couple days, I have spent some time with some great people in community. Whether it was with family, friends, and students; it was all great.

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 5:13-16

God calls us to be light and salt. He calls not only myself, but each of you in some way. I think that is why community is so important, it helps us be light and salt with others. When you are in community, true community, there is an authenticity between the people you are with. There is a vulnerability about struggle, faith, joy, and learning to wait for God together.

I love having conversations in the car. I believe some of the best conversations come out of a car ride. I had one of those conversations with a great friend last night. We shared our hearts, prayed, laughed, and poured our heart and soul into the conversation and each other. That right there is community...it may have been in a car, but we were definitely light and salt to one another.

hobbies and hiding

I have been sick for the past five days, and when I get sick I do nothing but sleep, watch movies, and do nothing.

Well...not entirely nothing. I did start the dishwasher, and I showered. So that counts, right?

While sitting and resting, I have been able to think a lot about my life and what God expects me to do with it.

I came up with a list of things I would like to do, some things are silly, and some are just genius. And other things on my list I blame on my congested brain.

1. Become a really good cook.
2. Take a cooking class to become a REALLY good cook.
3. Finish a couple of scrapbooks I have abandoned.
4. Find the scrapbooks in a box in the garage that I have abandoned.
5. Make a cooking blog, strictly dedicated to recipes and concoctions I make in our kitchen.
6. Keep the cook, the cleaning lady, and the housewife healthier than she is right now.
7. Spend more time building into others.
8. Start packing for yet ANOTHER move.
9. FInd a house to move into so my packing is more productive.
10. Be the person God created me to be, the girl who loves horses, the color orange, and soup. And my goal is to try my hardest to not lose sight of who God created me to be even though I am messy, stubborn, silly girl with a slight anger streak.

I will not hide my flaws, or my weaknesses. Why do I want to put more energy into hiding character traits that God gave me?

What are you hiding from others? What are you hiding from God?

Sometimes I find myself hiding my confidence from God and others. I think sometimes I am not the best wife, best cook, best horse back rider, and best listener. I tear myself down and I don't even give God the chance to build me back up and remind me of the confident, loving person that I am whether I am good at many things or just a couple. Once I let that doubt into my head and heart, God cannot get to me.

But I have to stay open, vulnerable to the good and not so good things... similar to David in the Bible.

He embraced the good, and not so good things about himself...and let God meet him in his brokenness, and in his triumphs.

Because what good is a relationship with God, if you don't let him in ALL of your life, and just a little?

I encourage you to let God in even if it is hard, even if you might not want to. I promise you, it's worth it.

Why

This past weekend I was at a retreat with some high school students in the Wisconsin Dells. It was so great to be able to spend time with them, challenge them, feed into them, pray with them, and love on them.

Time and time again I am always amazed that even though I went to serve, God served me.

I was talking with a student about her father and the struggle she is having with maintaining a healthy, Christ centered relationship with him.

I had laugh at how God brings people together, because earlier in the evening I was wrestling with God about that same struggle with my own dad.

If you have ever had an absent, abusive, non-healthy, sometimes even an ill parent, you know the effect it has on you, your heart, and your relationship with God and others. There are many different emotions that run through your body: anger, guilt, sadness, grief, numbness, and emptiness.

If you can relate, I am sure you have asked God why.
Why me?
Why now?
Why God, why aren't you intervening?
God if you love me, why are you putting me through this?
Why?

Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Trust God.
Why Me? Because God wants to love you. He wants to pour His grace on you like rain. He wants to scoop you up and hold you close.
Why now? Because He can heal your pain, He can redeem the broken, He can bring peace.
Trust Him. I know life isn't easy, I know pain is hard. But let God heal your wounds and make you whole.

Why?
Because I did and He changed my life.