It's been a while...

I don't really know where to start. Or how to start. Do you ever feel that your life is at a stand still, but also moving a million miles an hour at the same time?

I hate that feeling. I hate being in ruts. I hate when I am not quick to adapt to change. I hate being left behind. I hate that certain commitments in my life cause me to say no to the things I actually want to do.

I feel distraught. I feel uneasy. I am trying to wrap my mind around why things happen the way they do. I am trying to understand the will of God.

Life is hard. Life is short. Life has a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes I just want the path of life to be smooth, easy, and enjoyable. Sometimes it is easy, pretty, and relaxing. Most of the time it is hard, taxing, and draining.

How am I suppose to handle life, my life? There are things I struggle with that I don't like sharing because I don't want others to see me weak.

Vulnerability is hard. Trusting is hard. Having faith is hard. It's just hard.

rising after a fall.

http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

Really remarkable video. Amazing that God picks us up after we fall.

Trust

Is it hard for you to trust?
Do you doubt?
Are you ever anxious about tomorrow?

My husband and I are in the midst of what it really means it trust God. It is so easy to sort of trust God, to put him on the shelf and go to him sparingly.

These past few months we have been challenged to really live out our faith, step into the unknown and run towards God 100%.

We are in the process of planting a church and our role is to grow student ministries and radically change the lives and hearts of students and help them find and follow Christ. The hard part is raising support financially to be able to do this. But for whatever reason, God has placed a peace in my heart that he will provide as long as we stay faithful and trust Him. It is not easy to trust, and sometimes I would rather worry. But worrying is exhausting so I figure I will let God take care of worrying about tomorrow so I can focus on today. If I continue to worry then God cannot use me to my full potential and radically change my heart and life. I would much rather have a life full of the richness of God than a rich bank account. In a month we may not be able to pay our bills, but Mark and I are apart of an incredible vision and journey here in Roselle and I would not trade that for anything. So here I am, here I stand, arms wide open. To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God.

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

geese, frogs, and sunshine

I am sitting in our screened in porch with the windows open, and all I hear are frogs chirping, geese honking, and trying to soak up the sun that is shining through.

I am just in awe of the blessings God has poured on my life. I have a phenomenal husband and everyday I am at a loss for words the gratitude and appreciation I have for him.

God has blessed me with the love of animals, and also blessed me with a fantastic horse named Clementine, and a very active dog named Laeci.

I am loved by friends and family. I have a job, a roof over my head, and food in my tummy.

Do you ever feel like something is missing? I think we all feel that at some point in our lives... Whether our job isn't fulfilling, our marriage is empty, our family isn't enough, or you can't make ends meet... What do you do when you are running out of fuel? How do you feel when there is a disconnect in your life?

For me, when I start to feel like that in any area of my life...I know I need God. I know I need Him to scoop me up and hold me close to him.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Give it to God. He will fulfill that missing piece. He will take the burden from you and carry it FOR you. I believe he reminds us of that in little ways like geese honking, frogs chirping, and letting us soak up the sun.

The Strength of a Horse

I miss feeling their hooves beat the ground to gain more momentum as we race across the field.

I miss feeling the freedom of no saddle on their back so I can feel the warmth of their fur.

I miss grabbing their mane as I urge them on to go faster.

I miss soaring over jumps.

I miss wearing white breeches and a show coat.

I miss hearing the announcer call my name to the ring.

I miss the feeling of success after a tough ride.

I long for that connection. I wonder when I will feel that again. My heart feels empty.

I have been given a gift. I have talent. I have knowledge. I have skills. And I can't use them, my injury won't let me.

I use to feel stronger after every ride. The connection you have with a horse when you are in sync with them in indescribable. There are no words to describe the blessing of that emotional connection with a horse. There are no words to describe the connection I have with God when I ride. I feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the dirt, the soft nickers the horses greet you with. He quiets my heart with my horse Clementine.

Oh how I miss riding. How I miss that connection. I miss the solitude with God.

I wonder when I will feel that again. I wonder when that missing piece of myself will be returned to me.

I wait.

patience

Definition for Patient: Capable, willing to endure

Synonyms: meek, mild, calm, composed, understanding, tranquil.

Antonyms: agitated, frustrated, impatient, intolerant, unwilling

What God says about patience:

Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Are you patient? Are you still? Do you wait for God? Or do you run ahead of Him, sometimes leaving Him behind?

Patience is the companion of wisdom.
~St. Augustine

Stop. Take a moment today sit in the gentleness of God's presence. In what area of your life is He trying to show you patience? In what area of your life are you being impatient?

community

So over these past couple days, I have spent some time with some great people in community. Whether it was with family, friends, and students; it was all great.

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 5:13-16

God calls us to be light and salt. He calls not only myself, but each of you in some way. I think that is why community is so important, it helps us be light and salt with others. When you are in community, true community, there is an authenticity between the people you are with. There is a vulnerability about struggle, faith, joy, and learning to wait for God together.

I love having conversations in the car. I believe some of the best conversations come out of a car ride. I had one of those conversations with a great friend last night. We shared our hearts, prayed, laughed, and poured our heart and soul into the conversation and each other. That right there is community...it may have been in a car, but we were definitely light and salt to one another.