Monday, May 23, 2011

It's been a while...

I don't really know where to start. Or how to start. Do you ever feel that your life is at a stand still, but also moving a million miles an hour at the same time?

I hate that feeling. I hate being in ruts. I hate when I am not quick to adapt to change. I hate being left behind. I hate that certain commitments in my life cause me to say no to the things I actually want to do.

I feel distraught. I feel uneasy. I am trying to wrap my mind around why things happen the way they do. I am trying to understand the will of God.

Life is hard. Life is short. Life has a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes I just want the path of life to be smooth, easy, and enjoyable. Sometimes it is easy, pretty, and relaxing. Most of the time it is hard, taxing, and draining.

How am I suppose to handle life, my life? There are things I struggle with that I don't like sharing because I don't want others to see me weak.

Vulnerability is hard. Trusting is hard. Having faith is hard. It's just hard.

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