Gratitude

Gratitude:The state of being grateful; thankfulness.

Over these past few months with being a part of a church plant, I have a whole new perspective of gratitude.

We decided that we weren't going to take a paycheck until the church we are a part of is fully funded and instead, we decided to raise support for our salary until that was able to happen.

Those of you who have, or are currently raising support understand the time it takes to raise money.

My husband and I started support raising February of 2011 and right now are at 40%. I don't think I've ever spent as much time in my life worrying about what percentage we are at, or what is in our bank account.

There have been days where we have only had $10.00 in our account and have often been left wondering how we will make ends meet.

Before we stepped out of paying jobs, saying thank you to someone was almost like a habit.

Thanks for dinner, thanks for the gift, thank you for inviting us over, thank you for the bottle of wine.

I started to lose the meaning of "thank you", and started to get in the habit of saying it casually.

Now, when we can't buy groceries, go out to eat, not be able to put gas in the car, or even pay our rent the words "thank you" feel so much more tender when I say it.

When God shows up and places someone in our life to go out of their way to buy groceries, fill our car up with gas, pay our rent, or give us a gift card so we can have a date night, I am at a loss for words.

I feel that "thank you" cannot suffice the gratitude that is in my heart. I cannot explain to them that I am so grateful for their help that I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes fill with tears. Tears of relief, gratitude, and thankfulness.

God has used this season we are in to put a new perspective in my path.

I am no longer in the habit of saying "thank you" casually. I say "thank you" with intentionality, intensity, and love; to all of those who God has used to provide for us during this season.

Milk Or Eggs

A few weeks ago I had to run out to the store to pick up some milk. My husband had to stop at a friends house to pick something up so we agreed we would stop on the way home.

Earlier that day, some of our friends asked if we could make them some banana bread...Odd question to ask someone I know, but for those of you who have not experienced my banana bread simply don't understand the heavenly goodness they want to eat.

The problem was...I didn't have any eggs...

Now, eggs are not expensive, but when you are planting a church and raising support, you sometimes have to pick and choose what you are going to buy at the store.

And because there were only $3.00 in my wallet at the time, I had to make a decision: milk, or eggs.

But while we were at that friends house, they asked again for banana bread.

I love to bake and cook. Especially for other people. It has been hard to not be able to have all the ingredients that I use to have in the house accessible to me pre-church plant.

I didn't want to tell them that I was going to the store on my way home but had to choose between milk or eggs, so I just told them I didn't have eggs.

One of them went upstairs and brought down a dozen eggs.

It is moments like that, where God uses little things to bring me peace. With not having our support raised, each month is a bit of an unknown financially. But that night, God provided 12 beautiful eggs for me to use. So when I walked into the store, I knew that I didn't have to choose, because God chose for me. It's reminders like that when I realize all I have to do is trust and have a faith that is not lukewarm; and he will provide just what I need.

Luke 12:24
"Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"

Necessary Endings

Sometimes I feel like a newborn baby..so helpless, just waiting for someone to scoop me up, swaddle me, and hum softly to me.

There are days where I want to feel that safe and secure; embraced by someone, anyone who cares and loves me.

When I feel that way, I think of babies. I think of how carefully they are held, cherished, and loved.

They are so new, untarnished, and full of hope.

Babies don't know what hopelessness feels like because their needs are constantly met. When they cry for something, the parent often comes and meets their needs.

There are days where I feel my needs aren't always met. There are days where I am filled with hopelessness, and I just want to be swaddled, and loved.

There are days where I am hostile and unkind, but in those moments I long for love. I long for hope. I want someone to scoop me up and tell me it's all going to work out.

My life right now is chaotic, unknown, and this season my husband and I are in is very new, scary, and hard. Church planting is hard, and raising support is hard. It's so easy for me to worry about not being able to pay the bills. It amazes me how much stress finances can cause. There are days where I am not loving toward my husband, and it is not because of something he did or didn't do, it all goes back to wondering how we are going to make it, and when God is going to open a door to provide and take the weight off of my chest that I have felt for months.

The longer it takes to raise support, the more I question myself. Is our support not raised because I'm not working hard enough? Is it because my heart gets angry and upset when things are uncertain? Am I a bad wife? Am I a good leader? Am I not capable of raising support? Why is this taking so long? Is God teaching me patience? Is he testing me to see how much stress I can bear?

I have to remember to pause, take a deep breath, and move forward. My fear sometimes gets me stuck. It keeps me from moving forward and running toward God.

How do you move forward? How do you push on when you are in a tough season? Do you have people to encourage you, and that you can lean on? Do you have hope? Are you afraid to end something in order to have a new beginning?

written on a napkin

Do you have dreams?

Where do you write them down? On a notepad, in a journal, on corners of the newspaper, or do you write them on a napkin?

I write my dreams in lots of spots... random scraps of paper, notebooks, journals, but never a napkin.

I was given a napkin tonight at church and that napkin represents my dream. The speaker, Dave Ferguson was sharing his story of how the church he planted started on a napkin.

I think if I want my dream to start becoming a reality I need to start dreaming big...even if it is on a napkin.

I dream of having camps for "high risk" students where they can come ride horses and learn about Jesus and the remarkable things He said and the story He left behind for us.

I dream of being able to have a farm where that can be a reality and where I can have a food pantry in that farm and send the kids home with either a home cooked meal, or a bag of canned goods for their family.

Today I start dreaming big and leave my little dreams behind.

Have big dreams, and dream big and hopefully one day soon that dream will become a reality.

Heart break

My heart breaks more easily lately.

I become weary much quicker, and my patience is very thin.

The season of life my husband and I are in right now is hard. There are days where I put God on a shelf because I don't want to grow. I don't want to learn. I just want to be, and I want things to be easy.

I read a friends blog recently and she talked about her walk with God in a way that was to raw, so real, and it made me think about where I am with God.

It made me realize that I'm not the only one who struggles with their relationship with God. There are days where I feel on fire, and days where I just want to do my own thing and leave God in the dust.

I can't do that. God never leaves me in the dust. He never forgets about me. The fact that He never forgets about me just warms my heart. It makes me open my eyes to the beauty of my relationship with Him. It makes me long for that connection and it breaks my heart and makes it ache for others to experience the same love and growth I have... Even when I don't want to grow.

I need to grow.
I am going to grow.
I am growing.

Passion and dreams

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there…to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again. Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create you own life and then go out and live it.

It's been a while...

I don't really know where to start. Or how to start. Do you ever feel that your life is at a stand still, but also moving a million miles an hour at the same time?

I hate that feeling. I hate being in ruts. I hate when I am not quick to adapt to change. I hate being left behind. I hate that certain commitments in my life cause me to say no to the things I actually want to do.

I feel distraught. I feel uneasy. I am trying to wrap my mind around why things happen the way they do. I am trying to understand the will of God.

Life is hard. Life is short. Life has a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes I just want the path of life to be smooth, easy, and enjoyable. Sometimes it is easy, pretty, and relaxing. Most of the time it is hard, taxing, and draining.

How am I suppose to handle life, my life? There are things I struggle with that I don't like sharing because I don't want others to see me weak.

Vulnerability is hard. Trusting is hard. Having faith is hard. It's just hard.

rising after a fall.

http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

Really remarkable video. Amazing that God picks us up after we fall.

Trust

Is it hard for you to trust?
Do you doubt?
Are you ever anxious about tomorrow?

My husband and I are in the midst of what it really means it trust God. It is so easy to sort of trust God, to put him on the shelf and go to him sparingly.

These past few months we have been challenged to really live out our faith, step into the unknown and run towards God 100%.

We are in the process of planting a church and our role is to grow student ministries and radically change the lives and hearts of students and help them find and follow Christ. The hard part is raising support financially to be able to do this. But for whatever reason, God has placed a peace in my heart that he will provide as long as we stay faithful and trust Him. It is not easy to trust, and sometimes I would rather worry. But worrying is exhausting so I figure I will let God take care of worrying about tomorrow so I can focus on today. If I continue to worry then God cannot use me to my full potential and radically change my heart and life. I would much rather have a life full of the richness of God than a rich bank account. In a month we may not be able to pay our bills, but Mark and I are apart of an incredible vision and journey here in Roselle and I would not trade that for anything. So here I am, here I stand, arms wide open. To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God.

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

geese, frogs, and sunshine

I am sitting in our screened in porch with the windows open, and all I hear are frogs chirping, geese honking, and trying to soak up the sun that is shining through.

I am just in awe of the blessings God has poured on my life. I have a phenomenal husband and everyday I am at a loss for words the gratitude and appreciation I have for him.

God has blessed me with the love of animals, and also blessed me with a fantastic horse named Clementine, and a very active dog named Laeci.

I am loved by friends and family. I have a job, a roof over my head, and food in my tummy.

Do you ever feel like something is missing? I think we all feel that at some point in our lives... Whether our job isn't fulfilling, our marriage is empty, our family isn't enough, or you can't make ends meet... What do you do when you are running out of fuel? How do you feel when there is a disconnect in your life?

For me, when I start to feel like that in any area of my life...I know I need God. I know I need Him to scoop me up and hold me close to him.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

Give it to God. He will fulfill that missing piece. He will take the burden from you and carry it FOR you. I believe he reminds us of that in little ways like geese honking, frogs chirping, and letting us soak up the sun.

The Strength of a Horse

I miss feeling their hooves beat the ground to gain more momentum as we race across the field.

I miss feeling the freedom of no saddle on their back so I can feel the warmth of their fur.

I miss grabbing their mane as I urge them on to go faster.

I miss soaring over jumps.

I miss wearing white breeches and a show coat.

I miss hearing the announcer call my name to the ring.

I miss the feeling of success after a tough ride.

I long for that connection. I wonder when I will feel that again. My heart feels empty.

I have been given a gift. I have talent. I have knowledge. I have skills. And I can't use them, my injury won't let me.

I use to feel stronger after every ride. The connection you have with a horse when you are in sync with them in indescribable. There are no words to describe the blessing of that emotional connection with a horse. There are no words to describe the connection I have with God when I ride. I feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the dirt, the soft nickers the horses greet you with. He quiets my heart with my horse Clementine.

Oh how I miss riding. How I miss that connection. I miss the solitude with God.

I wonder when I will feel that again. I wonder when that missing piece of myself will be returned to me.

I wait.

patience

Definition for Patient: Capable, willing to endure

Synonyms: meek, mild, calm, composed, understanding, tranquil.

Antonyms: agitated, frustrated, impatient, intolerant, unwilling

What God says about patience:

Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Are you patient? Are you still? Do you wait for God? Or do you run ahead of Him, sometimes leaving Him behind?

Patience is the companion of wisdom.
~St. Augustine

Stop. Take a moment today sit in the gentleness of God's presence. In what area of your life is He trying to show you patience? In what area of your life are you being impatient?

community

So over these past couple days, I have spent some time with some great people in community. Whether it was with family, friends, and students; it was all great.

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 5:13-16

God calls us to be light and salt. He calls not only myself, but each of you in some way. I think that is why community is so important, it helps us be light and salt with others. When you are in community, true community, there is an authenticity between the people you are with. There is a vulnerability about struggle, faith, joy, and learning to wait for God together.

I love having conversations in the car. I believe some of the best conversations come out of a car ride. I had one of those conversations with a great friend last night. We shared our hearts, prayed, laughed, and poured our heart and soul into the conversation and each other. That right there is community...it may have been in a car, but we were definitely light and salt to one another.

hobbies and hiding

I have been sick for the past five days, and when I get sick I do nothing but sleep, watch movies, and do nothing.

Well...not entirely nothing. I did start the dishwasher, and I showered. So that counts, right?

While sitting and resting, I have been able to think a lot about my life and what God expects me to do with it.

I came up with a list of things I would like to do, some things are silly, and some are just genius. And other things on my list I blame on my congested brain.

1. Become a really good cook.
2. Take a cooking class to become a REALLY good cook.
3. Finish a couple of scrapbooks I have abandoned.
4. Find the scrapbooks in a box in the garage that I have abandoned.
5. Make a cooking blog, strictly dedicated to recipes and concoctions I make in our kitchen.
6. Keep the cook, the cleaning lady, and the housewife healthier than she is right now.
7. Spend more time building into others.
8. Start packing for yet ANOTHER move.
9. FInd a house to move into so my packing is more productive.
10. Be the person God created me to be, the girl who loves horses, the color orange, and soup. And my goal is to try my hardest to not lose sight of who God created me to be even though I am messy, stubborn, silly girl with a slight anger streak.

I will not hide my flaws, or my weaknesses. Why do I want to put more energy into hiding character traits that God gave me?

What are you hiding from others? What are you hiding from God?

Sometimes I find myself hiding my confidence from God and others. I think sometimes I am not the best wife, best cook, best horse back rider, and best listener. I tear myself down and I don't even give God the chance to build me back up and remind me of the confident, loving person that I am whether I am good at many things or just a couple. Once I let that doubt into my head and heart, God cannot get to me.

But I have to stay open, vulnerable to the good and not so good things... similar to David in the Bible.

He embraced the good, and not so good things about himself...and let God meet him in his brokenness, and in his triumphs.

Because what good is a relationship with God, if you don't let him in ALL of your life, and just a little?

I encourage you to let God in even if it is hard, even if you might not want to. I promise you, it's worth it.

Why

This past weekend I was at a retreat with some high school students in the Wisconsin Dells. It was so great to be able to spend time with them, challenge them, feed into them, pray with them, and love on them.

Time and time again I am always amazed that even though I went to serve, God served me.

I was talking with a student about her father and the struggle she is having with maintaining a healthy, Christ centered relationship with him.

I had laugh at how God brings people together, because earlier in the evening I was wrestling with God about that same struggle with my own dad.

If you have ever had an absent, abusive, non-healthy, sometimes even an ill parent, you know the effect it has on you, your heart, and your relationship with God and others. There are many different emotions that run through your body: anger, guilt, sadness, grief, numbness, and emptiness.

If you can relate, I am sure you have asked God why.
Why me?
Why now?
Why God, why aren't you intervening?
God if you love me, why are you putting me through this?
Why?

Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Trust God.
Why Me? Because God wants to love you. He wants to pour His grace on you like rain. He wants to scoop you up and hold you close.
Why now? Because He can heal your pain, He can redeem the broken, He can bring peace.
Trust Him. I know life isn't easy, I know pain is hard. But let God heal your wounds and make you whole.

Why?
Because I did and He changed my life.

Parable of the Sower

Matthew 13:1-9

"That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

Where are you planting seeds? Are you letting your light shine?

Change, Fear, and Chocolate

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

I feel like I am waiting for the butterflies. I want them to come. I want them to emerge from their cocoon, but I fear what happens when they are butterflies. What comes next?

I have been asking that a lot about myself lately, "Ali, what comes next?"

I met with my small group last night and one of the girls is reading a book called "The Power of Now". And she was just sharing how the author stresses how important it is to be in the now, not the past, or the future. To be able to focus on the here and the now. What does that look like for you? What does that look like for me?

Well if you are anything like me, I stress a lot. And when I get stressed...I eat chocolate. LOTS of chocolate. And I realized that I eat chocolate because I focus on the flavor in the moment I am devouring it. I gobble up the rich flavor and the decadent taste as it melts away...and when that piece is gone, I have another, and another. Then I come back to reality and realize that I don't focus on the now. I focus on the future...the what comes next part of life.

I am constantly asking myself questions like When will we move again? Will we find a home as perfect as the one we are in now? Are we going to rent, or perhaps consider buying? Will it be a safe neighborhood? Where will we keep my horse? Will she be safe, and nearby? Or I stress about money, and I always fear we won't be able to pay every bill this month, or next month.

All these fears...all these stresses..I can't keep hanging onto them... So I try and give them all to God.

"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity."
Joel 2:12-13

I have to constantly remind myself that our God is a God of never ending love, full of compassion, and holds a grace we do not deserve.

I have to remember I am a child of God, that He will never give me more than I can handle, and that He has a plan and I have to let Him work.

I am slowly but surely letting my stress go about fear and change, and giving it to God...but still eating chocolate of course.

peace

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

Are you calm in your heart? Do you have peace?

Change Change Change

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

Where are your roots at? How do you respond to change?

I must say, I don't respond to change as well as I would like to. I do occasionally dig my heels, stomp my foot, and cross my arms most of the time. But when I do those things, God cannot get to me. He cannot reach inside my heart and continue to mold and transform me. It is so easy to say that I let God lead my life, but in times of change and transition when I shut down, I am not giving him the chance to take a hold of my life and make it greater than I ever could on my own.

It is also hard in the midst of change to see the other side, the finish line, the end of the road as some would say. Because sometimes not all change is exciting. Some change is hard, and full of pain. But I often come to realize even in those times of immense pain and hardship that it is even harder when I don't lean on God. But once I uncross my arms and try not to stomp my feet, something inside me shifts. The change that I am experiencing gives me branches to stretch and grow and reach new heights. That transformation happens when I fully surrender myself to God, whether the change is good or bad.

The thing about God is He can take the bad and turn it into something good. When we let Him do what He does best, He transforms us and molds us in ways we could not even imagine.

I leave you with this: What are you struggling to give to God? In what ways are you not letting him rule your life? If there is change on the horizon are you stomping your foot and crossing your arms, or are your feet still and your arms stretched wide to Him?

decisions

How do you know when the right time is for something?

How do you know when to say goodbye, hello, or to let things go?

Life is hard. Decisions are hard. Sometimes it is easier to be passive and not make decisions. But sometimes being passive and taking a step back can be more damaging than actually stepping up and making a decision no matter how hard it might be.

What does God say about decisions?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4.6-7

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3.5-6

"If you are looking for advice, stay away from fools."
Proverbs 14.7

Let God be your guide. Go to Him. Run to Him. Seek Him out always.

lemons

Lemons are and interesting fruit. They are tart, but paired with sugar, or poultry or sliced and placed in a pitcher of water, they can taste different. I feel that life is like that sometimes, and we often hear the quote, "What do you do when life hands you lemons..."

What do you do? How do you respond when things get tart? How do you respond when life throws a curveball and hands you something tough, or unbearable? Do you face it head on? Do you push it under the rug? Do you shut down? Do you play the victim? Do you only think about yourself?

What does God call us to do?

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

It's hard being humble. It is hard not to be selfish, conceited, and vain. The world tells us to think about ourselves all the time, and God tells us to think about others, even in times of distress or immense pain.

So I ask you, when life hands you a lemon, what are you going to do with it?

soup soup soup

I made beef vegetable soup today with cornbread.

I love soup.

I can eat it any time of day.

Actually a little history on soup is that most places in the world usually have some type of soup, or soup broth for breakfast because it has most nutrients your body needs to start your day. A homeopathic doctor told me that.

Now it makes me want to eat soup more.

For the beef vegetable soup I first cooked 1/4 of white onion in equal parts olive oil and butter along with a little garlic salt. I usually use a clove of garlic but I got a little lazy. Then add your meat...chicken, beef, turkey, veal, duck, whatever you'd like. The only thing that changes is the broth flavor.

I used beef. I let it cook with the onions for about 10 minutes. I didn't let it cook all the way before I added the beef broth.
Let simmer while you cut your vegetables.

You can use any vegetable really, but I used carrots, celery, potato, and green beans. Cut them up and throw them in. you might need to add a little water to the broth and some spices when you add the veggies.

Let simmer for 1 hour, and tada! You just made delicious soup.

Recipe for Beef Vegetable soup:
1 package beef (I buy it already cut up)
1/4 of white onion
1/4 stick of butter
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 carrots, peeled and cut
3 handfuls of green beans cut in half
2 potatoes peeled and sliced
2 stalks celery cut
2 basil leaves cut up
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 can of beef broth
1 cup water

I will post a picture of the finished product. :)

Enjoy!
ps- for the cornbread I just used a box of jiffy cornbread mix. I usually add a little yogurt and a can of corn to the mix...but I didn't have those.

last days

Tomorrow is a memorial service in remembrance of my grandfather, Jean. Below is his brief eulogy that I will be reading tomorrow afternoon:

"Before I start, some of the ideas in Grandpa’s eulogy is taken from Shauna Niequst’s book Bittersweet.

We all know how much Grandpa loved to tell stories. He loved telling stories more than listening to them. He loved sharing of his army days at Ft. Ruckert; the hundreds of cars he fixed, how they don’t make things like they use to, and of course stories that embarrassed Grandma. He was a man of many talents and hobbies, and could often be found in the garage fixing whatever gadget at that time. He didn’t always expect to be hugged or kissed when his grandkids left; but always grateful before we skipped out the door.

To me, Grandpa was a bittersweet man. His character depicted something broken, and something beautiful. I use the word bittersweet because it best describes the man that he was. He was full of depth, complexity, and courage. He was bitter because he made each of us in some way stronger, forced some of us to push through, and he showed most of us how to earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. He was sweet because he taught some of us the importance of providing for family, the smiles he threw our way, and lifelong marriage to our Grandma.

In some ways, Grandpa changed the way each of us live, and the way we all understand life. He showed us the good and the bad, the joy and sadness, and that hard work does pay off. His legacy left a lifetime of lessons learned, and different roads traveled. He showed each of us in some way the rawness of life and how to carry on in easy times, and in times of distress. I want to leave you with one thought: What can you take from this mans life, the bitter and the sweet and use it to stretch yourself in ways you never thought you could? "

You have to understand that my grandfather was not the nicest man that lived on this earth, and after writing his eulogy, it got me thinking about my own life. It makes me think how I want to remembered. I don't want my family to have a hard time coming up with good memories, my triumphs, favorite memories, and jokes of mine. I want them to rejoice in the life I lived, not be relieved that I am gone.

So, how do you want to be remembered? What are you doing with your one and only life? What would you change? How are you growing?

I challenge you to live a life of meaning, truth, joy, patience, and love.