Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Change, Fear, and Chocolate

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

I feel like I am waiting for the butterflies. I want them to come. I want them to emerge from their cocoon, but I fear what happens when they are butterflies. What comes next?

I have been asking that a lot about myself lately, "Ali, what comes next?"

I met with my small group last night and one of the girls is reading a book called "The Power of Now". And she was just sharing how the author stresses how important it is to be in the now, not the past, or the future. To be able to focus on the here and the now. What does that look like for you? What does that look like for me?

Well if you are anything like me, I stress a lot. And when I get stressed...I eat chocolate. LOTS of chocolate. And I realized that I eat chocolate because I focus on the flavor in the moment I am devouring it. I gobble up the rich flavor and the decadent taste as it melts away...and when that piece is gone, I have another, and another. Then I come back to reality and realize that I don't focus on the now. I focus on the future...the what comes next part of life.

I am constantly asking myself questions like When will we move again? Will we find a home as perfect as the one we are in now? Are we going to rent, or perhaps consider buying? Will it be a safe neighborhood? Where will we keep my horse? Will she be safe, and nearby? Or I stress about money, and I always fear we won't be able to pay every bill this month, or next month.

All these fears...all these stresses..I can't keep hanging onto them... So I try and give them all to God.

"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity."
Joel 2:12-13

I have to constantly remind myself that our God is a God of never ending love, full of compassion, and holds a grace we do not deserve.

I have to remember I am a child of God, that He will never give me more than I can handle, and that He has a plan and I have to let Him work.

I am slowly but surely letting my stress go about fear and change, and giving it to God...but still eating chocolate of course.

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